What About Your (Guy) Friends?

I never had a guy friend. I’m not talking about the ones that speak to you in class or who follow you on Twitter. I’m talking about a real guy friend. A homie. An ace boon. A road dog. I’ve always wanted one of those. Guys don’t want to be friends though, at least not with me. Almost every time I’ve attempted comraderie with a male, it’s to no avail. One of us, if not both, catches feelings for the other. Yes, that’s right, the “like” bug (“love” bug in some cases) rides my coattails. He always end up wanting me. (I’m saying this in the least arrogant way possible by the way) It’s like every time I hire a new associate, I find him sleeping in the fitting room. Then there’s that awkward moment where we have to discuss his employment here on out and attempt to maintain a civil relationship.  Quite unlikely. So, they always end up fired. Sometimes they even quit. They no longer have a desire to befriend me. I’ve bruised their egos and guys just don’t want a friend like that.

What exactly is it that I’m doing? I love watching sports, I have an extensive knowledge of hip-hop, and I’m not emotional. I’d like to think I’m the ideal female confidant. What could it be? Well, I’ve come up with five things, I as well as any other woman with this issue, can do to make us more desirable as friends (just friends) to the opposite sex.

1. Be Approachable
Guys don’t want to be friends with a...uh...chienne. (excuse my French) Lessen the intimidation factor a bit. Just be one of the guys. You never see a man's arms crossed with a don’t mess with me face, now do you?

2. Stop Hanging Out with Women 25/8
If you want a guy friend, you’ve got to make room for one. Being around your girlfriends all the time sends the message that you’re a girl’s girl with interests that solely assimilate you to women.

3. Be Diverse
Despite men being so simple-minded, I must admit, they understand the concept of hobbies. Most women think this word is synonymous with shopping. No. We women are thinkers. Men are doers. If you want a guy friend, you better start doing stuff.

4. Be a Conversationalist
Not to generalize, but I notice women talk about a lot of the same things: men, any show with the word wives in it, and clothing. (shoes to actually) That’s it. Guys don’t want to talk about who you want. Guys don’t want to talk about that cute dress at H&M. And they damn sure don’t care who Evelyn is sleeping with. If you want a guy friend, you must expand your conversation topics.

Last but not least...

5. Go to the Gym
This may sound a bit odd, but roll with me on it. Go the gym! I attend a majority female, majority gay men, minority heterosexual male university. For an entire year, I believed no straight guys went to my school...until I went to the gym. (at 6 pm) Prime guy friend time. Guys love fitness. If you want a guy friend, the best place to find them is the gym. I swear they live in there.

P.S. DO NOT FLIRT! This is the mistake I’ve made in many of attempts at brotherhood. The minute you show the slightest interest, whether superficial or not, he’ll run away or run into your bedroom. Beware of the temptation of flirtation.

So, you’ve got a couple of tools to add to your belt. Now go get your friend!

The Ex Factor

 

What happens in the past, doesn’t stay in the past. It in fact haunts you in every relationship and makes you undateable. Harsh? Quite. But unfortunately, who you’ve called boo in ‘06 affects who you’re calling baby now. 

Have you ever wondered why he just had to do you wrong? Well here’s the answer: some shallow, naive bimbo back in high school slept with his friend. Okay, maybe this isn’t the situation in every case, but let’s just run with it. That scumbag of a girlfriend made him a douchebag of a boyfriend and you’re in his line of ego-bruised fire. Even worse, you leave the relationship with a singed butt. Now you have your arrows lit. It’s a bad chain of reactions I like to call “the ex factor.” The way your ex treated you in the relationship you two shared will play a role in every relationship to come...unfortunately.

I was recently propositioned by a fairly suitable young gentleman to enter a relationship with him, yet I turned him down. The first thing that crossed my mind? “Why would I ever commit myself to you when all men cheat?” Two Fouls. One: I made a generalization based on the actions of my exes. Two: I was about to turn down this poor young man who was only seeking companionship. Shame on me. Of course I didn’t get into a relationship. I will always have my reservations. That's a problem. Will I ever be able to let go of what my exes did? Yes...once I’m ready to throw a band-aid on that burn mark and let it heal.

Remember ladies, it’s an A & B relationship, leave your ex out. ;-)