Why Valentine's Day Kinda Doesn't Suck Because You're Not in a Relationship

Today. February 14. The day that causes everyone in love to be disgustingly ostentatious about it and everyone not in love to be bitter and vocal about it. The day that I usually pretend doesn't exist and always hope that it one day won't. Sad to say, I've never had a boo thang to buy naughty lingerie for on this lovey-dovey day. So instead of my usual mope and grope, and Tourette's like shouts of, '(Expletive) Valentine's Day' I'm going to change it up a bit. In honor of the hallmark holiday, better known as Valentine's Day, but best known to me as Single Awareness Day, I have spoofed up three reasons as to why one must celebrate this glorious occassion.

1. You Don't Have to Buy Anyone a Gift

While dozens of people were scrambling around last night in search of Godiva and red roses, we single folk were kicking back enjoying the Grammys. We got to appreciate the entire check we received on Friday, and we get discounted chocolate tomorrow...plus no one to have to share it with. Nah.

2. You'll Always Get a Card from your Mama

The only person that will love you unconditionally and is the only person who really matters on Valentine's Day: your mama. Screw trying to get laid (no pun intended). You know the person you should really be filling up with Ghirardelli and champagne is your mother. Despite your unappreciation, your madre will always bless with you nice card that says she loves you. Who needs a man when you have your mama?

3. Free, Depressed Booty

As sad as I am to admit this, guys, there is a lot of free, depressed booty walking around today. And, no, ladies I am not trying to put y'all out. Let's face facts. We're lonely and today reminds us of that. Unfortunately, there's a lot of women to take advantage of tonight. Hey, we even deserve it ourselves.

So, can you come up with any other reasons to celebrate?