The List

Every woman has a list. Probably to all of our detriment, but forgive me, I digressed. Where was I? Oh yes, every girl, lady, and woman has a hand written or mental catalog of the man of her dreams. These lists usually feature a handful of physical characteristics to keep our eyes and our other lady friend happy, but also a set of character traits we learned from some fictional bedtime story or Katherine Heigl chick flick about how a man should act. Why? Well besides the fact that writing lists are engrained in women (grocery lists, chore lists, etc.), we women have the unfortunate but likely tendency to stray from what’s best for us. Therefore, we need reminders as to which fish we want hooked on our line and which ones should be tossed back out into the sea.

I have a list. (Thankfully not the one pictured above) I was quite young when I sat down with a pen and paper to write down my ideal stud. One lazy summer in my early teenage years, I stumbled upon a book in my mother’s vast reading collection called Date Like A Man by Myreah Moore. Intrigued by the title and in a “boy crazy” state at the time, I decided to go ahead and give it a read. Looking back on it, this dating guide probably wasn’t the most appropriate thing for me to lay my hands on but hey, look where it has landed me. Back to the story. I read the book, and then I read it again. I was astonished that one woman not only understood how men acted, but had chapters and chapters worth of tips and tricks to help anyone speak man code.  Ms. Moore was the woman that introduced me to The List.

Steps to Making a Useful List

1.  Take a sheet of paper and fold it in half

2.  Write “WANTS” at the top of one half

3.  List all the character traits you desire in a man

4. Turn to the other side of the paper and write “NEEDS” at the top of one half

5. Out of all the wants you listed, pick ten you feel are necessary in a man

6. Voila! You’ve got your list!

At the tender of age of 14, I was armed with a list that I just knew was going to be the man of my dreams. I put The List in a spot where it’d be visible to me every day. Every day I looked at the back of my bedroom door, a reminder for just who I’m in the pursuit to snag as I walk out into the world. Fast forward six years and I’m as single as a one dollar bill. So I must ask myself: was the list actually helpful? Yes and No. No, I don’t have a man. But yes, I know exactly what I want in my future. So go ahead and make one. It doesn’t hurt, right? Once you snag him, just don’t let him know you had a list. You might be single again.

Grown Man Syndrome

There’s an old saying that goes, ‘there’s nothing like a man in a suit.’ C’est vrai mes amies. For the first 19 years of my life, this was old lady jargon. Once I waved salut to my teen years, I became fluent in the language of “grown ass man.” Yes, that’s right; “grown ass man.” See, there is a plethora of facial hair-having, job possessing, drinking-able men. (I use the term loosely) However, these simple credentials only make them a man to the state that issues their license. A man is truly defined by his character. Now I know you must be thinking, ‘how can we women tell of a man’s character at first glance?’ The answer, ladies, is simple: by what that man chooses to adorn himself in. In this case, clothes do indeed make the man.

I call this recognition of manhood “Coming of Age.” It’s that moment you wake up and wish there was a well built man fresh out the shower putting on his dress shirt, slacks, Kenneth Cole watch, and loafers to start the day. No longer do kicks and camos excite you. Nope. That ‘I have a career and not just a job’ look is what tingles the loins. This new found outlook recently happened to me.

Polo versus Axe. Briefcase versus backpack. Aldo versus Nike. Tie versus rosary beads. The differences are subtle yet speak volumes. One says, ‘I’m in college.’ The other: ‘I’m a successful graduate.’ Gone is the desire for boyish charm, and here to stay is masculine allure. Now I get what all that fuss over Denzel was about. It’s the grown man syndrome. Ha!

Second Chances

In the game of baseball, it’s three strikes and you’re out. That’s the rule and there’s no breaking it. In the dating game, the rules on strikes versus outs tend to bend a little. In some relationships, a guy can miss the ball time and time again and is still allowed to run the bases. However in other cases, after just one strike the coach is blowing her whistle and wants to call off the game. What’s the best solution? Should we women allow our player to continue in the game, bench him, or take him off the team? What helps us win the dating game? There’s really no right or wrong. Women have gone back to their men and have ended up marrying them, and then there are the ones that went back and completely regretted doing so. My take on the whole second chance debacle? Go for it. People make mistakes and ending that relationship may have been the biggest one you made. You won’t know whether it’s truly meant to be without letting him step up to bat for another try. For all you know he just may hit it out the park. So, ay batta batta swing!