The Closure Game

After self-destructive bouts of salty tears, Coldstone’s “gotta have it,” Jennifer Aniston flicks, and tire slashing, you realize there’s nothing you can do to feel better about the break-up. You’re just ready to be over it and over him. You hate him. You love him. You want to kill him. You want to make one last midnight visit. Your feelings have checked into Six Flags and you’re rollercoaster riding.

The Problem: You can’t seem to get off that damn ride and exit the park for good.

The Solution: Closure. (And NO getting under a new boo doesn’t help you get over him)

Yes, that clichéd word that’s miraculously supposed to fix all your heartache in one sitting. Ladies and gents this is not a myth; it does in fact work. To some, closure is pointless. Possibly because of its unwanted symptoms of vulnerability, maturity, and self reflection? Probably. Anyway, when performed correctly, closure is the best solution to an achy-breaky heart.

*Warning* Please do not attempt to achieve closure if in any of the following states:

• you still want to be with him
• you still cuss his name and secretly (or overtly in some cases) wish to cut him
• you’re still crying
• you’ve taken no blame in the outcome of the relationship (until you’ve recognized your faults, you’re not ready for closure)

Just to be clear, closure doesn’t discriminate. It is for the bitter, the pissed, the hurt, the weak, and even the “but I’m okay.” If you’re tired of puffy eyes and a clouded mind, then let’s begin the closure game.

Purpose:

1. Discover what went wrong in the relationship
2. Figure out what part you played in the break-up
3. Come to an understanding of the relationship then, now, and what’s ahead

How to Play:

Answer these questions.

1. What exactly happened that caused the break-up?
2. How was the relationship overall?
3. What roles did each of you play that lead to the break-up?
4. Any secrets?
5. How do you feel about each other now?
6. Goodbye, friends, or round two? (If round two chosen, you’ve forfeited the game)

Rules:

1. There is absolutely no yelling (If you’re getting loud you still want him, and closure thus can’t be achieved)
2. Closure should not take more than an hour to achieve (If you’re talking past an hour, you’re no longer achieving closure, you’re still trying to hold on)
3. Closure cannot be attained in each other’s house or any place that resembles a date (Platonic places are best)
4. Look gorgeous in the most comfortable way possible (Keep it at jeans and a tee, if you’ve caked on the Mac counter and are wearing stilettos, you’re obviously trying to hard)
5. Be Honest (Lying is cheating at the game; Cheaters never win)

To Win:

1. You’re content with never seeing him again
2. You have no desire to ever see him again
3. You no longer harbor any hate or anger towards him (You’ll know this is achieved if you could sit down and have a civil conversation with him tomorrow if necessary)
4. There are no more what ifs; all your questions have been answered

Now, roll the dice. Closure is not a game of chance…it’s the game of taking a chance. Let’s play.